Don’t make that mistake. Don’t get married without
knowing your future spouse’s thoughts on these
issues that can kill a marriage.
Compromise is usually not an option if the two of
you disagree on these issues that can be deal
breakers.
1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and
your future spouse can not agree on whether to
have children or not.
Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in
your marriage is a mistake.
Making a decision to have a baby when one parent
doesn’t want to have children is not fair to the child
or to your marriage.
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle
your finances really isn’t the issue. Many couples in
successful marriages have separate checking
accounts and many couples in successful marriages
have one account.
The issue is whether or not the two of you can
calmly and practically talk about money.
If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent
is an issue before you get married, it will be an even
bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn’t want to talk about
money, or doesn’t think talking about money is
important, postpone your wedding until this issue is
solved.
3. Can we talk about sex?
There is no way of predicting the future when it
comes to an individual’s sexual libido.
However, if the two of you are already having sexual
issues, you shouldn’t get married until the issues
are settled.
Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences,
fantasies, masturbation, pornography,
expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If
you and your partner are unable to talk about the
issues, or if your future spouse doesn’t see any real
problem, or doesn’t want to talk about sex with you,
cancel the wedding.
4. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both,
but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere
in your marriage relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with
your own parents when it comes to visits, phone
calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your
in-laws will only worsen.
5. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is “no” or “why should I?” or “Isn’t that
your job?”, you have several options.
You can hire someone to do the chores that neither
of you wants to do.
You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the
chores around the house.
You can discuss the importance of sharing the
household chores together.
If none of these options work out, call off the
wedding. This is another one of those issues that
won’t suddenly get better after you sign the
marriage license.
6. How do you want to spend our days off?
The answer to this question will reveal several
things.
How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
The value your future spouse places on having fun
together.
Whether or not you will come first before work.
Balancing work and fun and family time and
personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life
together, you may find yourself grumbling because
your spouse is spending what you consider to be
too much time with old friends and extended
family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time
you both need, individually and together, for
vacations, quiet time, and fun time.
7. How often do you drink?
The answer to this question, or to questions about
smoking cigarettes or using drugs, will reveal
whether or not your future spouse has a potential
addiction problem which could end up not only
threatening your marriage but could also put you in
legal and financial jeopardy.
8. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management
issues, or tries to control who you see and what you
do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel
your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality.
Don’t think you can “save” him or her. You can’t.
This is a problem that needs professional
counseling.
9. Do you think it is important to be faithful to
one another?
Open marriage and swinging is okay for some
married couples, but most want and prefer a
monogamous relationship. If your future spouse
and you have differing opinions on what cheating is
or isn’t, don’t get married until this issue has been
discussed.
10. What do you think we’ll be doing in thirty or
forty years?
If your future spouse can’t answer this or won’t
answer this, then the two of you need to talk about
long-lasting marriage expectations.
Why marry someone who doesn’t think your
marriage will last?
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